WANTED!!!!!

This post is dedicated to the ONE and ONLY ……………..NIKKA.

Criminal’s name: Nikka, Killer Nikka, Hitler Nikka, D.D.T, the list is endless.
Appearance:               Short height. Long Beard.

                                         Kameez Shalwaar (halfway up his legs).

                                         White topee.

                                         Hitler like expression.

Official job:        Pathology Attendant.

Under cover job: Report everything to Dr.AR(s)

Personal motto: ‘’ Aur koi dekhai na dekhai, Nikka to dekhay ga!’’ 
                                         hohoohoahhahahhaahhaaa

Wanted:         for uncountable crimes against students.

Reward Rs.100,000,000 for capture of above person

Dead or Alive.

The Nikka is armed with two razor sharp eyes which are enough to identify the poor innocent student from a mile away.
Okay so this is our Pathology Attendant and is he interfering!
Since Sargodha is a small place, we can’t even go to the Bazaar without getting a telling off from him and then getting called to explain to the Principal!
As for laughing in the corridor or just talking…..that is gross misbehavior of the highest order.
It will not be tolerated at any cost!
Well here is news for you Mr.Nikka……………………..
it’s going to be a fight till the End………………..

In my world.......

Today I feel like just being myself.

Write about trivial things and stuff like the bus ride to the new campus.

Singing along with all the songs.......hanging on to the bars to avoid falling down when the bus turns.

The mock fights when someone accidently treads on your feet.

Then there’s the screaming in the empty lecture hall just to hear the echo :)

Sitting on the walls to soak up all that Vitamin D.

Ragging! ;)

Samoosas and chips at the canteen. Lots and lots of ketchup! 

Forty winks in the lectures.

Dr. A.R(s)!!!!!! …..is he scary or what!!! ……….Bacteria!

Medicine ward..... McLoed.....  Chaalian.

Waiting two hours for the bus.

Sneaking out of the hostel to go shopping!

Haggling with the shopkeepers.

Breaking curfew.

Absolutely revolting hostel food!!!

Hours long walks under the starry sky.

Sleeping like the dead.

Waiting

Why is it that we have to wait so much for things to happen? It seems that in the past forty-five years of my life, most of my waking hours have been spent in waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting for something exciting and worthwhile to happen. Waiting to get married. And then waiting for my husband to come home. Waiting for my kids to be born, so I could hold them in my arms and love them. Then waiting for them to grow up and become independent. Waiting for them to come home and praying for them when they're out in the world on their own. Waiting for “the one” rishta for my daughter and when it happened, waiting for my son-in-law to to give his exams and come to us. Still waiting!

My husband though still holds the record for making me wait the most. I had to wait three years before we finally got married! He made me wait for him everyday! And in every possible place! I waited for him outside various offices, bus stops, shops, houses, hospitals...you name it and I've waited there! 

The duration of the waiting varies. Mostly its hours, not minutes that I have to wait for him. Weather doesn't deter him in keeping me waiting, though it is easier for me to wait in the winter. Most of my waiting has been, and still is done when I am waiting for him in the car. Three hours sitting in the car waiting for my husband! Yeah. Done that and on more than one occasion too. How do I while away the time, you might ask. Well, I use the time to make my things-to-do lists, my shopping lists. Then as I still had time on my hands, I made making lists into an art form! I categorized my lists! I made lists for each and every child. I made itemized grocery lists. I made lists of jobs to be done before each Eid, wedding, exams, visitors, hospital stays, births of children, trips...the list is never ending. 

I went through a rebellious period too, I might add, when I refused to wait for him. I told him I'd wait ten minutes and then I'd go home, if I was waiting in the car. I used to wait for the stipulated ten minutes...then ten more...and then ten more...and then one day I moved over to the driver's seat, turned the key in the ignition, and made my way home! You should've seen his face when he got back! But he became wise after this and removed the keys the next time he told me to wait in the car.

My reaction to this was that I waited for some time (usually half to three quarters of an hour), and then locked the car and made my own way home! (fortunately we live in a one-horse town where everything is minutes away). But mind you, this only happened once and it was summer and stifling hot that led me to take this extreme step! 

As I have grown older (and hopefully wiser), I have tried to utilize me waiting time more effectively. I started keeping a book in my handbag to while away the long wait, but I could only do that in the daylight. I started people watching but that was embarrassing, as in such a small place every passer-by was an acquaintance and they were going about their way while I was sitting there waiting, hour after hour! I could see the bewilderment on their faces. Why is she here? Is she being punished for something? Or she's some kind of freak who gets her kicks from watching people go for shopping and then come back? Why is she staring at our shopping bags? What a weirdo! A psycho case!

Now when I'm even more older and getting senile...I have started doing what I should have done when I first got stuck in the “waiting mode”. I Pray. I say Nafals. I recite the different Quranic Duas. I say the Darood-Shareef. And you know when I'm praying, I'm no longer aware of the passing of time! Its like my waiting turns fast forward! I sit and think of all the people who've asked me to pray for them, their monetary problems, illnesses, rishtaas, children's education, family feuds and people who I know are going through rough patches in their lives. I just sit there waiting and praying. 

They say good things come to those who wait. And maybe that's why I still am. Waiting. 

Note by the owner of this piece of cyber-luncay: As you've prolly figured out by now, the above was not written by yours truly. No, no, no. This is not a forty something wannabe public ignoramus who blogs under the false identity of a charming, young woman like me. Any guesses as to who it is? Lemme know. xD

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder

Beautiful girls all over the world,

I could be chasing but my time would be wasted,

They got nothing on you baby,

Nothing on you baby.

They might say Hi, or they might say Hey!

But you shouldn’t worry about what they say,

They got nothing on you baby,

Nothing on you baby.

This pretty little girl was wondering around the D.H.Q begging. I just loved her smile.

It made me realise how truly blessed and wonderful my life is and how fate could have dealt me a different hand. It could easily have been me wandering around bare foot asking strangers for food.

Here I was worrying about having fashionable clothes made in time for college while this little thing barely had clothes to keep her warm in the cold winter.

Pure Selfishness. 

Say What????

Writer’s Block. I tend to get it from time to time. It’s not like I have nothing to write about. Trust me my mind is bursting with ideas all the time! I’m a very opinionated person and there are gazillions of topics I would like to write about. It’s just the arrangement of words, the sequencing of thoughts that bothers me. It has to be perfect before I publish it! ……… What sounds funny in my mind just doesn’t look that good on paper :(

So after deliberating about how to write it out for three weeks I’ve finally decided to go ahead and just say it the plain old boring way.

              

My first prof just ended about a couple of weeks ago! No more anatomy, physiology or bio-chemistry!!!! ;) And no the result hasn’t been declared yet so everyone who reads this simply has to pray for me!..........

We had a couple of funny “incidents” in our practicals.

A couple of students in my group were given the task of performing a pregnancy test. After half an hour of adding a little of this and a little of that they proudly showed the examiner that the result was positive. Whereupon they were informed by a slightly incredulous Examiner that the sample given to them was pure water! Ooopppsss!!!!!!!!!........... They had a hard time explaining this!!!  

Another student thought it would be easier for the patient if we used an “Ashwaria’s Chart” to test colour vision instead of plain old Ischiara Chart!!!

The poor doctor questioning this student was reduced to hysterics upon hearing this and had to be taken away to a secluded darkened room to recover! 

 There! At least I’ve written something! And now I’m not even going to proof read it! If by some miracle you are smiling while reading this, despite all my efforts to squish out the humor from this post, then you truly have a Herculean sense of humor! Trust me I know!!!! 

Come Fly with me..........

I like travelling. Driving, I like even better. 

Problem is, I still haven’t got my driving license due to that fiasco which Saj mentioned earlier.

So I’m forced to use the public transport for commuting to and from my college. Not that I mind. I get extra time to sleep and observe “human nature” up close out in the urban wild this way....... It gives me food for blog....thought.

We have the tired, rusty, creaking, groaning vans which leak when it rains; with the Indian film posters stuck over the windows to hide the cracked glass. These monsters are just like adventure rides in theme parks. Just jumping over all those seats to get to the back of the van will get you hyper-ventilating!

Up front we have our driver, multi-tasking all the way! Cell-phone in his right hand; talking to his wife, his children, aunts, uncles and probably his neighbours too! He does that and also finishes his second pack of cigarettes for the day. His left hand manages the wheel, changes the gears, honks the horn and alternatively bangs on the dashboard as he swears at his neighbours for stealing his vegetables!

Driving is a perfected art for him. Honestly I’m sure he could give Michael Schumacher a run for his money if he ever gets a chance!

He’s interested in looking at everything apart from the road in front of him. Dodging cars going in the opposite direction and overtaking other cars is his specialty! And here I still have trouble reversing!

If you ever get the privilege to sit up front in a van you’ll see what I’m talking about. It’s an eye popping experience and I mean that literally!

The various people getting aboard are like different pieces of the mosaic; each telling his or her own individual story and yet blending in together too. People going to weddings or just visiting relatives, children going home from school, commuters; everyone just hails the van and it responds automatically to his command.

There is no concept of physical space. “Agar dil mein jaga hai to van mein bhi jaga nikal aye gi” is the motto of these “van-walas”.

Squashed people not so amiably chatting with one another, chewing pa’an, munching on chana’as and bars of mr’undas, slurping down the thandi doodh ki botal; crying babies, blaring music. The symphony of the dialects and the loudest of all the creaking of the van are all homely noises; weaving together into a relaxing background lullaby driving me to drowsiness after a long week at the hostel.

This is my commuting world. Dangerous yet peaceful in its own unique way.

And now there has been an invasion of the territory! Another species is trying to take over! They’re huge! With claws and beaks! And a strange hypnotizing gaze which is quite overwhelming!

Apparently poultry is now travelling with us too!

Okay, so there was just this one chicken. But to me it looked like a cross match between a turkey and a hen! Need I mention that I’m mortally afraid of everything alive other than plants and humans!

And this cross breed turkey-hen kept staring at me with its huge beady eyes. We had quite a staring match. Fortunately it soon got tired of staring at my petrified face and took a liking to my bag and spent the next half an hour happily pecking holes in it. Don’t believe me? I’ve got proof!!!!

So I’m giving my driving test again in about two weeks and hopefully this time I’ll pass. Maybe mum and dad will let me drive to college then! Hmmmm keeping my fingers crossed!

A Brother's Lament!....er...er... Birthday wishes???

 Well so it's my Birthday today!
I just turned 21! .....yay! ..............well not really! :(
i'm still stuck in my prof! Have  my stupid Physiology paper tomorrow!
M2 was planning to stay up all night and wish but then she ate something funny and had to stay up puking all night!
Dad has an adrenolectomy scheduled today and he was so engrossed in it that he even forget to wish me in the morning!
Kid was already late for school so he didn't have time either!
All my friends are studying hard for the prof, they don't even remember it!:(
So it's just my mom who remembered to say happy birthday.
Oh and Saj sent a little text too. Talk about birthday wishes! This is what he had to say!

"Happy birthday la la da da!!! 
You're getting old. Watever. 
Don't eat cake. 
Pick up cat poop or something.
If M2's card sucks, smile anyway.
Don't laugh too much if someone calls. Hah. 
Go study physio.
Aur wasiat kar lo ab aik foot grave mein hai. Mujhe bhi form bhej do.
If idiot calls to wish you a happy birthday, invite him to the party!
Go weigh yourself and divide it by your age. IF it's less than 3 then you can eat the poop but not the cake!
Don't for heaven's sake ever put on green nail polish, it's racist. 
Vow to be nice to your brother, he won't send you good songs otherwise! Always remember if he fails the prof it's your fault entirely! 
Make a will! 
Check if all your third molars have erupted. If not eat the cake too! Daft people are supposed  to be fat! 
Update your blog about the birthday. People like that. 
Think up a good status, It's been a while.
And WAKE UP! You are probably still sleeping. 
O and no presents! I'm broke! I'll convert you some nice videos when i get back and for heaven's sake delete those messages! You're crossing three fudging thousand now! 
O  ask to drive today they'll let you. 
Slap kid hard from me. A.S.A.P. 
Birthday's suck anyway!"

Well......it's not that bad. Coming from him I'll take them as sincere wishes....apart from the cat poop! :)
So, physio .....no idea what i'm going to write in the exam tomorrow! *sigh*

Extra Sheet Please!!!

Exams ….. They put a lot into perspective.

They are sort of like death in this way.

You know the flash back you get when you hear that your great-granddad died? Everything about your last meeting with him rushes into your mind like a stream gushing from under a rock. For a moment you remember where you met, what he was wearing, what you talked about and all.

Well, I recently found out that exams are like this too!

Last week I had the ……er…..great …. misfortune of having to give my send up examination for the prof.

Looking at the paper completely covered with questions on both leaves made me realize what I bad student I really am. Instead of remembering the answer to the question, what would pop in my mind would be the silliest incident that happened the day we originally read the topic! ... Bummer!!!! What the h#### was I supposed to do with the incident? ....write it down and give it in the form of a journal to my teachers? ...that would really have helped! I would have been kicked out of med school before you could say kwashiorkor!

Don’t believe me yet? Well let me show you!

Q1. What is the composition of gastric juice?

The rather balding, rotund figure of Dr. Sh popped in, trying to make himself heard over all that din!

Q2. Write down about the synthesis of thyroid hormones?

Dr.NY  flirting with the pretty girls of the class! Hmmm…..

Q3. What are the different types of taste buds? Give their location and structure.

Dr. Fr pulling out his tongue and showing us the locations! :)

Q4. Explain the role of cerebellum in maintain balance.

Dr.Physio demonstrating by walking to the back of the class with his eyes closed, and tripping over an extended leg! ......... er ……..it was probably an accident!;)

No wonder I could barely keep a straight face in the exam! :) :) :)

of course all of this is very beneficial if you want to write a blog about the all the idiotic things teachers do, but not very helpful when you’re trying to remember the steps of B- oxidation and all that pops in your mind is that there was a fly stuck in the projector screen that day, which got magnified to the size of the whiteboard!

Then there were some questions which left me feeling ……. Er…… blank!

I guess I was asleep in those lectures!

Let's Crawl..........

I hate lizards! .... In fact I’m scared to death of them! Honestly ask my mom, she'll verify it!


Actually it’s all her fault that I'm scared of Lizzies as M2 calls them. You see the gene which transcribes for whether you'll be scared of a certain *animal* is present on the X- chromosome! And my mom being dead scared of lizards herself passed this gene on to me.

The Result...........i can't stay in a room with even a hint of baby lizard!!!

Take yesterday for instance, this huge and I really do mean HUGE LIZARD was attending our physio lecture. It probably wanted to learn about the Special Senses too! You know to sharpen up those staring reflexes and that tongue thing!

So now I had two objects to keep me on tenterhooks! Dr. Physio and the “student Lizzie” Unfortunately like me it soon grew tired of learning about “The Sense of Smell” and decide to venture to the back of the class to check the time! Hypnotised, my eyes followed its course till i was turned back in my seat staring at the back wall!

Dr. Physio, who’d been engrossed in his slides for the past half hour, suddenly roused himself and saw me staring reverently at the Lizzie!

........well what was to be expected? I was unceremoniously thrown out of class with my books till I learn how to behave like a professional student! GAH! He should have thrown out the stupid lizard! I need my attendance for the exams! The Lizzie doesn’t! .........talk about unfair!

So i headed home aka hostel and decided to while away the free time by catching up on my sleep! Lo behold! When i entered my room, what did these eyes of mine see??????

Have a guess............

Mama, Papa and Baby lizard were all having a picnic above my bed! Their looks of disdain clearly showed that they were highly offended by the ruckus I was making. So i meekly backed out of my room, locked the door and ran down the stairs screaming for the Exterminator!

Gone with the WIND!

'' This is like the last stage ever!" I shouted at my friend while we were getting ready for college."The last one ever of our lives!", I exclaimed trying to get her attention while she meticulously  pinned on her scarf.
"HELLOOO!!!!! anyone home?" I cried,waving my arms in front of her, now desperate for attention.
'YES! but we'll never get to college on time if you keep doing this!", she snapped stooping to look for the pin I had made her drop.
'But don't you feel happy about it? Imagine, never having to study anatomy again after these exams!
No more substages every other week. No stages! And best of all no more sitting in that stinking DH having to watch "the DISSECTOR" mutilate those bodies!" I replied.
"Next year will be all fun! going to the hospital! that would be like sooo cool!"
"Well you'd better start studying if you want to pass this last stage of your life!" , she said with a grin.
"Plenty of time!" ,i replied already moving on to another topic.
............
............
...........
That was two weeks before the stage....
..........
.........
The night before stage........
.........
........
......
"J.J WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP AND STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That was my other roommate. I don't get along very well with her. Professional jealousy I guess. After all I am a genius.Plus i'm prettier, so there!!!
And well I got thrown out of my room.I wandered around for a while, found out what all the juniors were up to*that was most interesting trust me, but another time I suppose!*
and by eleven finally tired of all that  "looring" (wandering here and there aimlessly) as nanaabu would have called it, I retired to my room to check whether the atmosphere had cleared a little.
It was a little better since our neighbors were there and she couldn't say anything in front of them so I decided to sit down like a good little girl and meekly start studying.
12 o clock....
.............
.............
............
aaaaaaarrrrrggggggggghhhh
I didn't know a thing! I swear I had studied everyday but now I had no idea what was in the stage tomorrow!!!!
 MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called home ofcourse, and guess who happened to be home for the weekend.....HIM!!!
My baby brother! all relaxed and prepared for his own stage which for your information is still a week away! And then it started!
The gloating! I can't even talk about it ! It makes me feel sick!
So i decided to check on my friend .
and guess what? she too had finished! and was just waiting to start her sermon so I ran away from her too!
Was I in trouble!!!!!!
...........
..........

..........i studied all night just to understand you

is that all right

i studied all night

just to get you in my mind...................

.............

I sat down to study. And trust me i studied like i'd never studied before. I drew up notes, made diagrams and by 5 o clock it seemed like I would pass.Goodie!!!

Fifteen minutes before stage

 eeeeeeeeeekkkkkk!!!! I'd fallen asleep and half my syllabus was still left!!!Ten minutes, later puffy eyed and yawning,I was dragging my sorry self to college.

The papers were handed out .One look at the paper was enough to tell me that i was doomed!

My brain had turned to mush. Anything and everything that i had ever studied about the brain seemed to have flown out of my auditory meatus and out the window. The only thing that was registering was............

...........................I would have to give the stage again! Bummer!!!

However right then i was faced with a slightly different dilemma! How to while away the time in the lecture hall without falling asleep. So here's what i did.....................

• doodled on my paper
• peaked a little next door to see question no 6.( i just needed a little hint to figure it out)
• had forty winks
• made a list of things i wanted to do in the hols
• made a paper plane of my paper 
• doodled on my desk
• read the jokes written by a student like me, on the desk
• checked out what everyone in my one meter radius was wearing
• doodled some more

Finally!!!!! Half time! And i was allowed out! As no one else was in sight so i quietly made my way to the hostel to catch up on my sleep.

..................

Half an hour later

'' That was the EASIEST stage exam ever!!!!", exclaimed my friend bursting into the room,"and the LAST one too!"

................yeah .......i know................whatever......................... 

n

Drivezilla on the loose!

So I started my driving lessons today. It was great. My first time behind the wheel and it felt wonderful! ... in fact it felt as if driving was an a inborn talent. Mom and Big B who were supposedly going to “instruct me” were watching flabbergasted! There I was cruising merrily along the road dodging dogs and children alike, speeding past the everyday cars in my shiny new Volvo! Wow! It was pretty cool. And waving to all the neighbors as they stared at the speed, the grace, the poise with which the car was being handled! Quite a heady mixture of all that adrenaline and epinephrine and what not!!!!!!!!!  Amazing right?

…………………………………………………………

But that’s not how it went at all!  *sigh*. In fact it couldn’t have gone worse! Just starting the car took me half an hour! Every time I managed to start it, there would be this deafening noise from the engine which would lead to me hurriedly taking my dainty feet off the accelerator and volia! The car would lurch forward, splutter and the engine die out!!! So by the time I finally got on the road tempers were flying to say the least!  

I learned how to master the steering. With mom shouting “Turn! Turn” in my ear nearly rendering me deaf, I turned the wheel and ended up going round and round in a circle like a dog chasing its tail!

Well the dizziness took a while to subside! And I decided to brave the road once more! This time I took fancy to a nice woman who was taking home eggs for breakfast. I stalked the said lady for quite a while till she literally ran into a side alley screaming for the traffic police while I went on nonchalantly, intent on bulldozing everything and everyone brave enough to venture onto my path! There was a tractor, a couple of rickshaws and countless pedestrians who would either stop or cross over to the opposite side to steer clear of my path!

Huh! If I’d just learnt to drive when I was young, we would never have been late for school due to traffic! :)

Anyway to avoid further damaging Mother Nature and partially to avoid mom from having a heart attack every second, I decided to head back home………. 

And lo behold when we got home and I reluctantly handed the car back to mom ….. 

what did these eyes of mine see????

………I had been drivin’ around the city with the handbrake up!!!

.......ummmmm.......hi?????????

so its been more than two weeks since the hols started.......and i've barely opened my books. no surprises there!!!!                        
actually i'm still catching up on all the sleep i missed at hostel!
and so i'll write later!!!!!!
gotta rest my fingers now!!!!!
how about a manicure???......so i'm off..................